Parent Coaching



"Dr. Joanne Baum brings so much expertise to the table to help parents grow and families heal. She is a mediator and counselor; but above all, she is a child’s advocate. Her passion is to help children have an opportunity to thrive, and she became the voice for our children when they could not speak for themselves. She coached us in parenting skills and was able to refer us to other sources for learning and healing. Our family is together and truly living again thanks to Dr. Baum."
Dr. Sarah Spilman and Mickey Geer

Dr. Joanne Baum is available for personal Parent Coaching


Work with Dr. Joanne Baum to make a lifetime of difference for you and your family...


Enjoy parenting rather than endure it!....Understand the dynamics between you and your children...Empower yourself to cope with any situation!

  • Have you ever wished you could have a personal conversation with the author of your favorite parenting book?
  • At the end of a challenging day have you ever wished that you could consult with your favorite parenting expert and get some new ideas?
  • Have you wanted to sit down with your spouse and a parenting expert for an hour to work through some persistent challenges that leave you parent weary?

Joanne Baum is available in three different ways for parent coaching, regardless of the circumstances you now find yourself in.

In Person: You can call us at Respectful Parenting 303-679-1949 or 1-800 519-6003 and arrange a time to speak with Dr. Jo in person for a personal consultation in her office.

By Phone: You can call us at Respectful Parenting 303-679-1949 or 1-800 519-6003 and arrange a time to speak with Dr. Jo by phone for a one-on–one telephone parent caching sessions.
** fees will be discussed upfront and payment arrangements made at this time.

By e-mail: Write to Dr. Jo at respectfulparenting@msn.com and ask a question or two. Let her know if you want it to be answered right away or included in an upcoming newsletter. Fees will be discussed and payment arrangements made for personal answers.

Questions used in upcoming newsletters will be answered without a fee.

Questions

Dear Dr. Jo: We are new parents and instead of this being a wonderful close time my husband and I seem to be fighting and at odds about everything. We can't even agree on when the baby needs to eat.

This is actually more common than you might think. When each parent wants to be "right" and "know the answer," with a new baby, there can be power struggles. Why don't you both take a deep breath. Remember that you love and respect each other, and then sit down, when neither one of you is exhausted and talk about what each of you thinks and why. Listen with the intent of learning from each other and sharing information not with the intent of winning and being right. Have some favorite parenting books you both read or one reads key paragraphs to the other. Discuss the author's insights. Come up with a parenting philosophy that you can both live with and that respects both your positions. Got the Baby Where's the Manual?!? has a chapter on making this transition from couple to family and the pitfalls to avoid. The key is getting off your "position," both of you, and being willing to really listen and try each other's ideas and see how they affect your baby.

Dear Dr. Jo: My mother in-law says I'll spoil the baby if I keep picking him up when he cries. I don't agree. Am I making a mistake and should I listen to the "words of experience?"

In this particular case, I'd say the "words of experience" are outweighed by contemporary child development research. A few decades ago parents believed that if you held a child too much you'd "spoil the baby." We now know that just is not true. Babies need to be held, nurtured, and comforted to feel secure and safe. When you hold your baby when he cries you're teaching him he is worthwhile, someone is there for him, he can trust the world, and he is safe.

Dear Dr. Jo: My baby seems to cry so much. Could there be something wrong?

Perhaps there is something wrong. I've never met you or your baby so I can't be sure. What I can tell you is that a baby's cries are her form of language and communication. There is so much new stimuli coming at a baby, sometimes they cry when it (life around your baby) feels too scary and your arms become a safe haven and cut the outside stimuli to an acceptable level. Sometimes your baby is hungry and needs to eat. Sometimes your baby is tired and needs some help falling asleep. Sometimes your baby has a dirty diaper and needs changing. When you pick up your crying baby find out what that cry is for and respond to your baby's basic needs. By doing that you'll be helping your baby develop into a young child with a positive self esteem who can trust the world around her. If you can't seem to comfort your baby and your baby isn't hungry, tired, having a dirty diaper, needing to be held, tired, then you need to look at the level of tension in the baby's environment, in your arms as you hold her; babies thrive best in a calm or relatively calm environment And then there are just some "high need" babies that do cry a lot and seem inconsolable at times. It usually is a phase they go through and if you continue to respond lovingly and calmly it will pass. If you are still wondering or worried, definitely see your pediatrician who can check out the situation and make sure there is not something else affecting your baby.

Dear Dr. Jo: Our toddler seems to be getting into everything. I want to encourage her exploration and my husband wants me to put her in the play pen with a few toys. Who's right?

Toddlers are such "heady creatures." They are so excited about the world. They want to learn. They see something and it sparks their imagination. It is a time their brains are firing off connections at an incredible rate. To optimize your child's development you want to encourage social interactions, your baby's creativity, and your baby's desires to learn and explore. The key is the environment needs to be safe, so you need to make sure your home is "child-proofed" so your child can't get into things that could hurt her. You also need to make sure you have the energy to follow her and interact with her explaining things her feet take her to. There can be a balance of quieter exploration with toys in a smaller environment and exploring around the house in a safe way at other times. You want to nurture your child's natural curiosity so your child's brain can develop to its fullest capacity. Did you notice I didn't say who was right and therefore who was wrong? That is not a useful paradigm here. Talk with your spouse about his ideas and yours, read this answer together and see how you two can use your creativity to come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Dear Dr. Jo: My spouse almost seems jealous of the time I'm giving our baby. It is such a surprise to me. I thought she'd appreciate how much I love our baby and how much I want to help and be with him. Instead she seems to pout when I hold him and play with him.

Adjusting and transitioning from couple to family can be difficult. All of a sudden energy that used to go two ways now is going three ways. Sometimes new parents err in the direction of giving all their love and energy, or at least most of it, to the new baby. When they do that someone can feel neglected and even jealous. It's important to save some of that "good stuff" – that nurturing, loving, and affection for each other. Take a look at how you're making her feel special? Are you saving all your good stuff for the baby? Are you two having some intimate times – talking, sharing, cuddling, and loving each other? I know it's a lot to ask on reduced sleep. But look at the balance and ask your wife what else she "needs" from you. Then talk about your needs and the babies needs, and see how you can both help the juggling act work better for all of you.

Dear Dr. Jo: My husband and I can't agree on discipline for our 2 and a half year old. Can you offer advice? I get so over protective and we end up fighting. I know how upset it makes him as he feels like he is only doing what he thinks is best for our child? When she sees me, she starts screaming for me. What should I do?

I would like to have some more information such as how do you both "discipline" your child? Do you think he is being too harsh with her? Are you afraid your husband's behavior borders on "abuse" or crosses the border into "abuse?" Why is your daughter crying for you when she sees you? Have you sat down with your husband and in a non-judgmental way asked him what he believes is in your child's best interests for setting limits, consequences and boundaries? Have you shared with him what you believe? Have you both engaged in discussions without needing to be right or prove the other wrong the pros and cons of each of your ideas? Have you shared with each other how you were parenting, including what you'd like to repeat with your child and what you really want to leave behind? Have you asked each other to help you be the parent you want to be? What are you being over protective about? Oftentimes having a common book or parenting philosophy you can both agree to use as a base to operate from helps a lot.

If you haven't done the things I asked about above, I suggest try them. In a parenting partnership it's important to talk about what you each feel/think you need to do to help your child grow up and be a healthy, well-adjusted young adult. It's important to listen to each other respectfully and try to work out a way to relate to your daughter that is respectful of her little being as well as being respectful of each of your own healthy adult needs in being a parent. Parenting is not something that ought to be done from the seat of your pants. Raising a healthy child takes time, conscious energy, and learning as you go. If you two can be a "parenting team" in this, that would help all three of you a lot. If you can't communicate together and the discussion gets too heated, seek advice from a professional to help you two communicate in a respectful way so you can reach a consensus that works for all three of you, and meets all three of your needs. It's important that your child does not "split" you two parents into "the good one" and "the bad/mean one." Let me know how this works and if you have any further questions.

Dear Dr. Jo: What are some specific ways dads can bond with newborns?

A. Dad's can basically do everything mom's can do but nurse a newborn; and by 8 weeks, moms can pump milk and dads can feed their infant's mom's milk from a bottle. So dad's ought to get right in there and hold their newborn, sing to their newborn, play, rock, talk, soothe, diaper, change, and thoroughly enjoy their newborn. Dad's are as important to newborns as moms. When you think about bonding and all that does for a baby's development, the more loving, nurturing caregivers they have the more confident and loved a baby will feel and that will carry that baby into their young adult development. Talking with your partner about how you want to raise this child will help you both be on the same page and you'll feel like a parenting team.

Dear Dr. Jo: What can a dad do who's hesitant to jump in and hold/handle the baby at first?

Ask yourself, "What's holding me back?". Deal with each fear and have a solution for it. For instance, if you're afraid you'll drop the baby, sit in a comfortable chair and use a pillow to help cradle the baby in your arms so you know your baby is safe and you can feel more comfortable. When your baby cries, remember that's simply your baby's form of communication. Check and see if your baby needs a new diaper, needs a quieter place, want s more stimulation, is hungry or tired. Read some parenting articles, visit some web-sites (www.respectfulparenting.com), parenting books (Got the Baby Where's the Manual?!?, by Joanne Baum) so you feel more "informed" and confident. Remember your baby and you are learning about each other and it will come with time. Be patient with yourself and your baby. This time can be a precious learning experience that will go on for the next 18 + years. Talk with your partner, talk about what you remember from your childhood and what you want to repeat or change. Listen to what your partner has to say. Help each other. Be a team. Also know, your baby wants you and your baby needs you. Try being in awe instead of being intimidated by all your baby does every day to learn about the world around her/him. Slow down and focus and relax. You'll get it...

Dear Dr. Jo: If mom's are breastfeeding, how can dads feel part of the process?

Dad can be right there, bringing the baby to mom, burping the baby, watching and enjoying, talking with mom and the baby. Dad can bring water for mom to drink while she's nursing. Dad's can also be appreciative of all mom is doing to help this baby in the best way possible.

Dear Dr. Jo: In general, how is the bonding experience different for dads?

Dads sometimes feel "behind the eight ball" – like they aren't as "natural" as moms – but really everyone has to find their natural way of relating. Mom' sometimes think they know how to do it "better" – and that makes dads feel inadequate. I think the more you can talk before and after the baby arrives, share ideas, seriously consider each others ideas about parenting, encourage each other, the more appreciated dads will feel. Try leaving dad and baby alone for varying amounts of time so dad can learn on his own, without mom hovering.

Dear Dr. Jo: Why is the sense of touch so crucial to the newborn's physical/emotional wellbeing?

I'm not sure we know for sure, but we do know that when a baby is held gently and calmly it's brain begins firing off all kinds of synapses and connections that produce pleasing feelings and important developmental connections in a baby's brain. I think the world is such a big place to a baby and being held, cuddled, held gently does in a sense feel like what the baby felt in the womb. It's familiar. A baby needs the sense of security, closeness, connection and bonding it receives when someone hold the baby gently and lovingly.